art of conversation

now i am by no means saying that i am an expert on a fruitful and prosperous conversation. in fact i am quite terrible at holding a good conversation. i have a tendency to ramble about random crap, i dont do well with spur of the moment thoughts and i tend to bring up scenarios from movies or shows that i enjoy. as fascinating as i find conversation to be, i also see it as a weak point, almost a fear. it says so much about who or what you are. the very language we speak is a definition of our being. though as much as i fear conversation, i do love to be around it.

the best part of conversation is listening. you can learn so much by listening. you can learn about the life styles of people who are different from you, you can learn the views of others who you may not agree with. You can learn how to strengthen the relationship of your loved ones and you can learn a lot about yourself.

in recent months ive have been on somewhat of journey of myself. trying to find my place in all of this. life all of the sudden became very bleak and unsure. it felt like i was heading in a direction that almost felt like entrapment. my days were constantly assaulted with me questioning my beliefs, my friends, my life and my relationship with God. heck even working at a church i felt this way, but more so when i stepped out of an environment i knew my whole life. at first i seemed grounded in my beliefs, but slowly i started to look around me.


like i said, i was never well trained in the art. i like to think im a good listener but, i suck at it. and this is very evident in my conversations with God. i would always go to God, like most people, with my problems, my requests and my hoping that his will would guide me to the thing i wanted. but i never really went just seeking him. you know my whole life growing up in church ive heard the term ''seek God'' and it just sorta became a catchphrase of the christian lingo. i never really understood what it meant.

i recently read one of donald millers books where he talks about how our life is like a metaphor. how God shows us his love through our lives. look at relationships, that of friends or lovers. we love to interact with them, to draw close to them, to know them. this is evident with the way our society has become. we are constantly connected to our friends through texting, facebook and other avenues of social networking through technology. the effort we make to stay in touch, to know our friends is the same way we should put our effort into seeking God. we stay up til the late hours on instant messengers and texts messages, or we will leave random videos on our friends facebook wall just to be silly and goofy with each other. these interactions with our friends, the conversation we have with them, the time we spend with them is in essence the same way God wants to spend time with us, and us with him.

conversation is a beautiful metaphor of God's love for us and a gift we should thank him for every time we are engaged with friends, family, strangers and God. it's a great gift God gave us to be able to go to him, even though we dont deserve it.

i find it interesting how small things can upset me. things that looking back on it i realize how stupid it is to get worked up over it. it amazes me how my first instinct pulling up to my house is that of anger and frustration of lack of parking. yelling at cars taking up space where i would like to set my vehicle, then turning around to find parking elsewhere, only to find someone claiming a spot as i turn the corner. i drive by yelling yet again. all this just so it can take fewer steps to get to the house. convenience. that was my goal.

in life, especially mine looking back, convenience is a common goal, but one that is never possible to a lifestyle opposite a couch potato. we want things the easy way, at least i know i do. we want answers to a test, to be good at guitar, easy money and so on. we want the answer to the meaning of life. we want it all... but life isn't that way. we look for the easy way only to find it's the wrong way. to find that we wasted so much time, so much life, so much of our story. life is essentially a story, one that we are living out. and like everyone else, we all love a good story. a story with substance, character, adventure, love, tragedy, risk. these things make a great story. ask the same question for life. what makes a good life? i personally don't think i can answer that myself at this point in time. i do know from what i've been learning the past 4-5 months is that life, a life that you can present to God at the end of all things, is one of risk, faith, obedience and love. and just the basics of those can be hard. i just have to take it one day at a time and trust God.

i feel like i have so much more on my mind, but i will keep it at that.